my best friend

my best friend is bethany. we have been friends since 9th grade. which i have come to realize lately, is a really long time. 11 years. i have just gotten to the age where i can think of my life in terms of decades. and i have to tell you, its freakin me out a little. to be able to say oh that was 10 years ago. holy crap that is scary!!! whats even scarier is that the other day, i started talking about something that happened almost twenty years ago. and i REMEMBER it. yikes. suffice it to say, i am having a problem (at the ripe old age of 24) with aging. i dread getting any older. i have a couple of gray hairs already, and i am noticing a few "fine lines and wrinkles". needless to say, these sent me into a weeks worth of panic. anyway, back to the point of this post which i believe was bethany. ok, so she is my very best friend. and let me tell you folks...she is a dang baby-makin robot. she is married to my ex. they started dating after high school, and within two weeks....BAM!!!! she was knocked up. so they got married, and had the first of their cute blond children..."dora". i was no where near married, i hadnt even met travis at this point. so then, exactly one year later, she gets pregnant again, and in nine months, out pops "boots". not ever ones to do things half-assed, she gets pregant again...one year later. out comes "lucy". at this point i have been married for almost a year...still havent started ttc. so while they were pregnant with lucy, they decided to have david neutered. GOOD FREAKIN IDEA GENIUSES!!!! so all is fine and good until this week. little lucy is two and a half, they are settled into their little "family of five" routine until she calls me and says "im a week late, and i had two positive tests" i say "oh wow, that is pretty crazy, but its great!!" i think "this is so unfair i cannot believe you would do this to me". of course she didnt do it on purpose, and she wants ME to be pregnant way more than she wants to be pregnant herself, but still...its a little disapointing, ya know? she will always be my best friend, but i just dont know if i can go to one more of her baby showers. the funny thing is though, i would absolutely LOVE for her to have another baby. im so conflicted.

what the hell is a blog?????

ok, so i have recently become addicted to blogging. not doing it myself, but reading other people's blogs. i am a chronic lurker. but i have discovered this amazing little network of bloggers. most of the ones that i really enjoy are from some ladies out in the midwest. i read one of their blogs, and that turned into me spending 8,487 hours catching up on all of these unknown peoples lives. which is kinda funny actually, considering that i am so incredibly unfocused. but that just shows you how facinating and clever all of these women (and one man) are. but i am a virgin blogger. a vlogger, if you will. please be gentle. haha. dont really know why i am doing it. i guess i have a need to feel like the "cool" people. my life isnt fascinating. in fact, the most notable thing about my life is that its so ordinary. but i love it. well thats not true. i hate various parts of my lfe with a passion, but i love the important stuff. for instance: i hate my job. but i love my husband. i hate worrying about money. but i love my dogs. there, i am totally normal and balanced. or my therapist says i will be after my next round of electroshock therapy. lets just see how this goes shall we???